What have you done with gifts from your ex? 16 Fashion Journal readers weigh in

“I’ve often thought about smashing it and whether or not that would be a very cathartic, symbolic act, but I can’t bring myself to do it.”

Just like relationships, there are so many different kinds of breakups. They can range from gut-wrenching and explosive to sad and quiet. No matter the circumstances, there’s one constant in every breakup – the all-important period of purging. With your lives intertwined, it’s almost inevitable that there’s a book, sweatshirt or pair of well-loved undies of theirs now living in your room.

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When you’re moving on, it’s easy to donate (or destroy, depending on the breakup) the less important bits – but what about the gifts? Maybe you’ve received something that holds immense sentimental value, or a present you now use every day. Below, 16 Fashion Journal readers share what they’ve done with gifts from an ex.

Adelina*, 27, she/her

Nothing, worn them! Why should I throw them out? I deserve them.

Mon*, 26, she/her

I cleansed a crystal he bought me and gave it to my mum. I felt like it was bad karma to throw it out.

Riley*, 21, she/they

For a girl who dated three guys and one girl in one year, I was left with a pile of clothes, jewellery, drawings and other gifts which all resurfaced when I moved flats. I got rid of everything except a Stolen Girlfriends Club necklace. Partially because it was the only time I felt like my most recent ex knew me… it even had a tiny ring [on it] that he’d had promised me when we were together.

The necklace, after all, hadn’t done anything to wrong me. All the other stuff I donated or replaced. I didn’t want to own so many things that had been chosen for me by some random guy, so I brought a version of them that I actually liked and [that] wasn’t a half-thought-out gift.

Nate*, 24, he/him

I keep them for a while. I grab them out when I’m sad and need a cry. Then after I’ve decided I’m better off without that ex, I throw them out and never message again.

Jules*, 27, she/her

I still use some daily like cosmetics, shoes, clothing, etc. But the really sentimental ones (like love notes and film photos) are mostly stored in a box in my cupboard. I can’t bring myself to let go of them, but maybe one day. They make me sad but also make me smile because I truly loved our time together and I’m grateful for him [and] our relationship.

Lilly*, 24, she/her

I kept the free vibrator from that cheater. All about those silver linings, baby girl!

August*, 26, she/her

With items of clothing like shirts and pants, they become my cleaning outfits – like what I wear to scrub my bathroom or do a deep clean of the house. It saves me from feeling bad for throwing out items.

Nicola*, 22, she/her

I kept them for a while after we broke up… [I wasn’t] able to bring myself to get rid of them. When I started dating my current boyfriend, I threw them out. Time to move on! I don’t think there’s anything wrong with holding on to [gifts]. Gifts/objects hold memories and you can have good memories of someone you no longer have a relationship with. It doesn’t necessarily mean you want to get back together with them.

Leanne*, 40, she/her

I was given some art by an ex which I got framed (like the framing was expensive). It now sits at the back of my wardrobe because I can’t bear to look at it, even though I love the artwork itself.

Míra*, 27, she/her

Not my ex specifically but my ex’s mum enrolled in a ceramics class and made me a plate etched with my dog’s face. She captured my dog so perfectly and it was such a heartfelt and personal gift but a few months later my dog died suddenly, and shortly after that my boyfriend and I broke up.

I still have the plate but it’s five years on and every time I look at it I still get a pang – it’s come to represent such a painful time in my life. I’ve often thought about smashing it and whether or not that would be a very cathartic, symbolic act, but I can’t bring myself to do it. So it sits front and centre in my wardrobe in my childhood bedroom at my parent’s house. I still contemplate what to do with it every time I’m back there!

Oda*, 24, she/her

I keep the one gift he got me on display as a reminder to never repeat my mistakes. Hope it works.

Jordan*, 26, he/they

My ex-boyfriend from Tumblr got me a Hello Kitty Sonic the Hedgehog plushie. Our breakup involved him getting encephalitis and his mum blocking me from his discord. I was only 19 so it seemed fine to still like the toy, to the point I got it tattooed [on me]. I stand by all of this, but people are horrified.

Ellis*, 29, she/they

For my birthday, he made me a candlestick holder and I requested it be pink because that’s my brand but when I got it for my birthday it was red (should’ve dumped him then). Then after two years, he fucked a DJ behind my back so I threw it in the bin, filmed it and tagged him and the company he used to sell them through.

A friend who had seen my story of throwing it in the bin had then seen an Instagram story from a complete stranger boasting about the cool red candlestick they scored from the bin! My friend reached out and told them it had really bad karma and then they chucked it in the bin!

Mia*, 24, she/her

I sold them and bought something nice for myself. Recycle that trauma into something new without their crusty dusty energy!

Quinn*, 30, she/they

I still wear a T-shirt that was gifted to me because, in my mind, it holds sentimental value from a design perspective, as it was the first luxury brand item I’ve ever owned so I’m happy it doesn’t remind me of my ex in that way.

The other big gift was a diamond necklace that he gave me right before what was a pretty bad breakup – I remember feeling relieved that I didn’t have to pretend to like it any longer and immediately sent it off to be remade into a pendant I actually wear to this day. I like that I managed to take something that held negative emotions for me and transform it into something that makes me happy every time I wear it.

Aina*, 27, she/her

I donated all of them to charity shops except one cashmere tartan scarf they bought me in Edinburgh. The coziness of it and the compliments I get wearing the scarf outweigh the toxic memories of the relationship. Don’t feel as though you have to hold on to everything they gave you. Love is free-flowing, energy and gifts given with love that no longer serve you can be received with love by a stranger.

*Names have been changed.

For more on dealing with breakups, head here.