Melbourne-based content creator Harrison Kefford on finding confidence and dating with a stoma
IMAGE VIA @HARRISONKEFFORD/INSTAGRAM
WORDS BY IZZY WIGHT
“I’ve never felt more confident in my body and accepting of myself.”
When Melbourne content creator Harrison Kefford initially got his stoma bag, he “really didn’t have any time to think at all”. Yes, his struggle with Crohn’s disease – and the myriad of different trial treatments that came with it – had spanned years. But it took 10 days from the date of the doctor’s appointment to receive the life-altering surgery. The real saving grace? TikTok.
“I have this platform on TikTok, I connect with a lot of people. One of my closest friends, her name’s Paula… she had a stoma for about a year and a half before I got mine,” Harrison explains. “… And I was able to just talk to her and ask what it was like… otherwise I would’ve been so in the dark about what to expect.”
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Since getting his own stoma bag, Harrison has become that same source of comfort for other young people dealing with chronic illnesses. His content spans the range of experiences that come with a stoma bag, ranging from ill-timed gas noises in public to rediscovering his self-confidence. “I think everyone has something that they keep behind their walls,” he says. Below, Harrison speaks on his journey so far.
Can you talk a little bit about your history and your journey to getting a stoma?
I have Crohn’s disease, which is a form of inflammatory bowel disease (IBD). It’s quite a debilitating condition… no two people have the same kind of Crohn’s, in that it’ll impact me differently from how it impacts someone else. I don’t know a single person who has the exact same form of Crohn’s disease that I have.
@harrisonkefford Having a pair of comfortable threads to wear during this time also helps to avoid anything unwanted sliding down my body i.e 💩 or any of my stoma care products. #bondspartner #sponsored #stoma #ostomy #ileostomy ♬ You Know How We Do It – Ice Cube
Over the period of over five years, I was on and off different biological treatments… they try to treat or manage your Crohn’s disease with IV infusions and stuff like that and different concoctions of medicine… I wasn’t promised, but I was told “Hey this one will work” and “This one will work” or “Let’s try this”.
It was a bit of optimism from my gastroenterologist and myself… it was quite an exhausting process being promised this [treatment] would work… nothing really failed, it was more just like “This isn’t really working as well as what it should, let’s try something else”.
I feel like that’s a pretty common story with chronic illness, right?
Yeah, I mean most conditions are being treated like that. So one day I said to my dad, “Let’s go to my appointment”. Because I’m 28, and I usually go to all my doctors’ appointments alone but I thought it was probably best if I have someone come with me, like one of my parents.
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I said to my dad “Let’s go to my gastroenterologist… and I can just say what I want to say”. I didn’t want to attack [my doctor] or have a go at him… it was more just “No, you need to fix me, I’m not getting any better”.
… It was hard for me to like to have anything long-standing relationship-wise, or even just like date and things like that. Because like I was just stressing about something happening… I couldn’t enjoy food, I couldn’t drink alcohol, I couldn’t travel and I couldn’t see the world… I just couldn’t live.
… And then he [the doctor] said to me… “If we go down the medication route, then there is a very strong likelihood that in a number of years of time, you could develop a [kind of] bowel cancer”… I just looked at my dad and was like, holy shit. I’m only like 20.
… The second option was… what’s called a subtotal colectomy and an ileostomy, aka a stoma. And I had no idea what he was talking about… [the doctor told me] “It’s a very effective way of getting you to be well, quicker”. And I walked out of there, pretty deflated.
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I got in my car… and then I think I sort of got home and I was like, fuck it. Let’s just do the surgery. If it’s gonna give me a better quality of life… and all I had was 10 days from that point to the surgery.
Has TikTok helped you in that journey?
Oh, 100 per cent… I just saw it as a way for me to not just vent, but to feel more comfortable about like the fact that yeah, I’m in my twenties [and] I have a number of chronic health conditions. And seeing other people like me, it just… made me feel more comfortable.
It’s so weird that I felt comfortable talking to people that I didn’t know. But for most people, we’re a bit scared of opening up about ourselves to people we’re close with… bringing our walls down.
… I think it’s it’s definitely helped in a lot of different ways. But yeah, I think in like a very stoma sense, it’s helped me feel comfortable. I’ve never felt more confident in my body and accepting of myself.
So do you feel like it’s you’ve had to adapt your wardrobe? Has your sense of style changed?
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I think immediately when I got my stoma, I tried to wear the same stuff that I [always] did… and I still can wear the same stuff. I feel like I can just wear more comfortable clothing… I saw it two ways. Like today, I’m just wearing a T-shirt like my green cargo pants and my Salomons, and everything’s very loose-fitting.
… But then on the other hand, I think I saw it as a way for me to use [social media] as a platform… to experiment for myself and maybe wear stuff that I wouldn’t normally wear… you know, I’m on TikTok a lot. I’m influenced constantly by hundreds of people of all different genders… I hate saying it, but my style has probably evolved. I feel a lot ‘cooler’ in how I dress, [but] I still have stuff I had before my stoma that I wear.
I loved the episode you did of The Hook Up! Can you talk a little bit more about your dating life, and how your stoma has affected that?
@harrisonkefford Some V’Day content for y’all! ❤️ #bondspartner #sponsored #twins #stoma #ostomy #ileostomy ♬ vibe for this year – joseph fagundes
You know what? I really did think it was going to be the end of… finding people I was genuinely attracted to and them finding me attractive back. I thought that was never going to happen to me again. And then, it’s [been] completely the opposite in that I’ve found people are generally pretty curious.
It’s not like I lead with the fact that I have a stoma bag, but most people just Google people nowadays right? So it’s near impossible for me to hide something like that… but it’s been incredibly positive in that I’ve connected with or gone on dates with people I’m mutually attracted to. I’ve never been more confident in how I’ve approached dating.
For more on life with a stoma bag, head here.
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