A sexologist’s guide to having great period sex

The surprising benefits of period sex and a sexologist’s top tips for making it as pleasurable as possible.

Sydney-based somatic sexologist and sex and intimacy coach Alice Child is the founder of Vulva Dialogues. She works with individuals, couples and groups, helping people achieve happier, healthier and more fulfilled sex lives – whatever that means for them. Visit her website for more.

Period sex is still really misunderstood. In a recent survey by UK period care brand Bodyform, only 20 per cent of people said that period sex ‘doesn’t bother them at all’, with a huge 78 per cent saying the idea of it was either ‘disgusting’ or ‘not great’. The reality is that period sex is not only completely normal, but due to many different changes in hormones and blood flow, it can be some of the most pleasurable sex you experience each month.

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Plus, having sex while on your period can even help with some of your menstrual side effects. So here are some of the ways to make getting down and dirty between the sheets as hot as possible – even when you’re on your period.

What are the benefits of period sex?

Due to the powerful hormones and neurotransmitters that get released during sex, there are numerous benefits of having sex during your cycle.

You’re hornier!

Ever noticed that you feel even more in the mood when you’re on your period? You’re not alone! There’s evidence to suggest that your sex drive spikes during your period due to your hormone levels. Oestrogen promotes libido and desire, while progesterone suppresses it. At the beginning of your period, your oestrogen levels drop.

But after two or three days it starts to rise again and keeps on building. At the same time, your progesterone levels are at their lowest. So progesterone is low, and oestrogen is high, and voila, you feel ready for action.

It can relieve menstrual cramps

There is a lot of anecdotal evidence that suggests sex and orgasms are effective forms of pain relief. For example, a 2020 study on period pain and masturbation, found that 90 per cent of women would recommend masturbation as a way to reduce menstrual cramps and pain.

This is partly because sex, pleasure and orgasms release powerful hormones and neurotransmitters, including endorphins. Endorphins are known as the body’s natural pain relievers. It’s been shown that their presence makes pain far more tolerable. In the context of period cramps, you can see why sex could be a fun, natural form of pain relief.

Plus, period pain is the result of your uterus contracting to release its lining. When you have an orgasm, the muscles in your uterus and pelvis contract and then release. For many, this ‘release’ can bring a moment of much-needed comfort.

It can make sex feel better

There are lots of reasons why period sex can feel extra pleasurable. Increased lubrication, increased libido and increased blood flow within the vulva might all contribute to feelings of increased sensitivity and pleasure.

Plus, as renowned sex therapist Dr Jack Morin once explained, the anticipation and naughtiness factors are huge aphrodisiacs when it comes to sex and eroticism. This means that when we feel we can’t have sex, or that we think it’s ‘taboo’ or ‘forbidden’, we crave it even more. This might sound frustrating and counterintuitive, but have you ever been turned on by a long-distance lover or partner? Or been driven absolutely crazy by somebody we can’t have?

If that sounds familiar, this denial might become a huge (subconscious) turn-on! The more you feel you can’t get off, the more you may want to. However, as always, everybody is different. Some people find that sex during their period is actually more painful. This is especially true for people who suffer from chronic pain conditions such as endometriosis. As always, listen to your body, communicate with your partner, and do what feels best for you.

Sex helps with our mood

The cocktail of hormones released when we feel pleasure can have a whole heap of positive side effects during your time of the month. The hormone dopamine (also known as the happiness hormone) is released during orgasm and is what makes us feel desire, pleasure, satisfaction and motivation. This is especially beneficial if you suffer from mood swings or anxiety during your period. We also experience a surge in oxytocin after sex, which is what gives us feelings of love, connection and attachment.

How to have great period sex

It’s starting to sound like periods and sex can be perfect together after all. Here are my top tips for making the experience as hot as possible for everyone involved.

Listen to your body

Remember, you are the master of your own body and only you know what feels fun, sexy and hot for you. Although period sex in the shower might sound like a great idea for one person (no messy bed sheets!), the idea of standing upright in a slippery, brightly lit room with cramps could be another person’s idea of hell.

Many people feel more sensitive in their vulvas due to increased blood flow. This could feel amazing (more sensations) or could mean gentler stimulation feels better. Plus, the cervix tends to sit lower at the end of your cycle as your womb is heavier, which means deeper penetration may feel uncomfortable during your period. Listen to your body, and ask yourself what you’re craving.

Talk to your partner

How you feel about period sex might be very different to how your partner feels, and it takes empathetic communication to make sure you’re both on the same page. According to a 2011 study published in Feminism & Psychology, people with periods attributed their nervousness about period sex to partner discomfort and the emotional implications of dealing with that discomfort. Basically, people were too nervous about what their partners would think.

Even if you’re both totally cool with it, it’s often a good idea to let somebody know that you’re bleeding if you can help it to stop any unwanted surprises. As with anything, it’s better to be as clear and transparent as possible, and keep a curious and open mind to your partner’s feelings and perspectives. If they’re unsure about it, explain why it’s not a big deal. If you’re unsure, explain what’s bothering you. In return, listen to each other’s perspectives and respect both your boundaries.

Some people will find it easy to talk about their cycle with complete openness, while other people won’t. But practising normalising the conversation is a great start. Generally speaking, euphemisms don’t help as they can lead to misunderstandings.

As always, consent is vital. If your partner is uncomfortable, you shouldn’t make them do anything they don’t want to do. But open, empathetic, sex-positive communication is a great first step to understanding their concerns and creating a happy, consensual environment where you can both explore.

Towels or drop sheets

For many people, laying down a dark towel on the bed will be all that it takes to enjoy period sex without worrying about the mess. Even though it may feel like more when you see blood in the shower, the average person only loses two to three tablespoons of blood over the course of their four to seven-day cycle. A couple of towels or a drop sheet should be enough to save your bedding.

Waterproof toys

If either you or your partner is struggling with the idea of period sex, introducing a toy like a dildo or a vibrator could help. There are many that are completely waterproof and very easy to clean, meaning you’ll be ready for round two in no time.

Consider alternatives to vaginal penetration

If, for whatever reason, you’re not vibing penetrative period sex, remember that sex doesn’t ever need to involve penetration. You can get all of the same pleasure benefits from a mutual masturbation session, a sensual massage or external clitoris stimulation with your fingers or favourite sex toy.

Plus, for those that enjoy anal sex, your period is a great time to experience that too. If you’re really worried about making a mess, options that don’t involve vaginal penetration are also great because you can still enjoy them with a tampon, cup or pair of period undies on. Just lie back and enjoy. Also, remember to never wear a tampon during penetrative vaginal sex – it could get lost, which can be really dangerous.

Lube

Even though we might feel super wet and slippery down there, period sex is still enhanced by using lube. This is because we might be a little bit more sensitive, and blood doesn’t have the same lubricating qualities that the vagina naturally produces during sex. In addition, lube always makes outercourse, clitoral stimulation and sex toys feel much better and is always essential for any form of anal play.

Positions

Finally, consider what position might make period sex feel best for you. Missionary is a great one, as gravity helps keep things from getting too messy. Spooning is also a great option, as it feels cozy and comforting, and doesn’t involve too much deep thrusting which might be uncomfortable. Good luck and enjoy!