The 8 worst people you’ll see at the races

Words by Bianca O'Neill

Illustration by Twylamae

*In race caller voice*

It’s the (fashion) race that stops the nation but right now none of our participants are thinking about anything but crossing that finish line.

WAG #5 looks a winner as she struts in front of the gates, settling in early with a glass of champs – but oh no! Blogger Wannabe has slipped into Gate 4 ahead of her, guaranteeing herself a spot in the marquee for at least an hour until she gets kicked out by Overzealous PR.

Speaking of Overzealous PR, he looks to be making the field wait until *he’s* ready, checking a clipboard as the others pace nervously in line.

And they’re off! Blogger Wannabe takes the lead early, with a nod to The Plus One as she passes the 100m mark. Creative Director Of My Own Site joins them at the front, in black and white. WAG #5 and That Girl From Big Brother are moving up the pack at lightning speed, they have the front of the group in their sights. It looks to be a tight race to the finish line!

Now WAG #5 is being joined by Self Important Newspaper Reporter, and they steamroll Blogger Wannabe as they ride their steeds of righteous #fashun importance through the straight. Disaster for Blogger Wannabe as she is left high and dry near GA. Meanwhile The Plus One leaves her in the dust as she takes aim at a selfie with Handsy Celeb Chef, and bingo, straight to Instagram!

It’s a two-horse race as WAG #5 and Creative Director Of My Own Site spot a street style photographer – and… wait… I’ve never seen this before! They’ve left the track and are getting pictures taken OUTSIDE THE GATE! THEY’RE OUT OF THE RACE!

Self-Important Newspaper Reporter and That Girl From Big Brother steam ahead confidently, as The Plus One attempts to break away from Handsy Celeb Chef, but it’s to no avail! He runs her into the rails and ruins the day for both of them!

But just when we thought it was a two-horse race, Overzealous PR appears out of nowhere! He gets out his clipboard and – this can’t be good folks – denies them entry in the dying seconds of the race!

Self-Important Newspaper Reporter and That Girl From Big Brother scramble for email invites and lofty words but to no avail! Overzealous PR hits the finish line and it’s all over folks!

Well, well, well. The race is over for another year, and it looks like Overzealous PR has taken out the Cup in the dying moments.

Wow, what a surprise finish.

Follow Bianca’s Instagram @_thesecondrow to see it all play out in real time on Insta Stories. 

Illustration by Twylamae.

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