Australia’s Next Top Model Season 9, Episode 8

The girls go equally nuts for Megan Gale and toothpaste.

Final five. The show has taken a dramatic turn from the fun and silly to the serious and sombre.

Jks, that’s just the arty intro. They’re actually all splashing ‘round the pool when Jen comes to visit in a white strapless cocktail dress. It’s the AM lady.

This week is all about confidence. When Jen reveals that the client for the challenge is Colgate Optic White, the girls went NUTS. NUTS FOR TOOTHPASTE.

There are two parts to this challenge. The first is a screen test and the second is a catwalk that only the most confident girls will survive. O0o0ooo0o so ambiguous.

The winner will become the face of Colgate Optic White and star in a national campaign.

“Your smile will be known everywhere in Australia! Like you’ll be on a bus and then look past and then you’ll be on that bus stop and then your bus will go to the other bus stop and you’ll get off and then you’ll be there again. It’s durrrrrhjdjafvx oh my god.”

Alex knows what’s up.

But seriously, can we take a step back and just reflect on what’s happening? I know winning these modelling contracts is cool and all but it seems like these girls don’t really care what company they end up representing. They just want to be on bus stops.

The winner will be the face of… Huggies nappies! YES. The face of… Ansell condoms! Hell yeah, I love condoms! The face of… Centrelink! WOOO CENTRELINK OMG.

I digress.

The girls have to deliver lines from a script to some Colgate execs. Tina the brand manager immediately takes a liking to super-smiley Lucy because she’s wearing a red dress.

“Very on brand!”

Everyone actually did pretty well. No one really forgot their lines and they successfully fake-brushed their teeth with a smile. 😀

Whoops, except Brittany. She started crying because she kept stuffing up and got flustered. She made it through but it was hard to watch.

Catwalk time! Not just any catwalk though. It’s got a conveyor belt on it. The girls have to walk on it in high heels. If they stumble, fall or break a bone, too bad. This challenge is about confidence, not safety.

And remember guys, there’s a live audience. I always wonder about this. Like, who are they inviting to watch a rando Colgate Optic White runway with an awkward conveyor belt and no music? Same with the Miss Shop abseiling runway.

Who are these people? What’s the deal with corn nuts?

Lucy nailed it and appeared to be having a lot of fun. Alex strutted on and then swiftly ran off because she was nervous. It was drama central. Didier helped calm her down and she went back out there and walked down the catwalk like it was no thang. This girl is grating but she is a superstar on the runway. Even a runway that moves.

Lucy won the challenge and Alex was envious again. It was kind of a no brainer.

The photoshoot was an interesting one. After meeting their photographer, Georges Antoni, at the QT hotel, he explained that the scene for the shoot was a glam VIP after party. Hold up though. Don’t even think about modelling for these pics. The shots have to be “in the moment” so if you’re posing for it, get outta here.

The guest judge was Megan Gale and she seemed super nice. The girls were losing it because it was another important model person and composure is not something that they have.

We also find out that Lucy will be taking the shots for her Colgate Optic White campaign today. Nerves.

Jess had to take a shot with lots of other people and she was finding it difficult to stand out. Lauren has a boyf so she was feeling awks about draping herself over a dude she doesn’t know. Alex was doing this weird jumpy thing in the photo, which made her legs look short.

Lucy did an excellent job of fake laughing and looking natural. Brittany turned on her alter ego, Brittalina, who is a smokin’ hot layday who touches up her makeup in lush dark rooms. Cheers to Cheyenne for the name suggestion.

Eliminations! Jen gave away her first 10s to Alex and Brittany. Jess and Lauren were in the bottom two because their photos were weaker than the others.

Jess made it through, which means Lauren is going home. Lauren was sad but Brittany was sadder. Bawling. SOBBING. Just having a full-on breakdown.

Guys. Don’t judge me. I know I’ve created this I’m-so-above-ANTM-so-enjoy-my-sardonic-humour persona but a tiiiinnyyy tear formed in my eye.

Look, maybe it’s just been a rough week for me. Maybe it was ‘Ride’ by Lana Del Rey playing in the background. Maybe I just legit love this show because it is so entertaining. It’s ok, I blinked the tear away. It did not fall past my bottom eyelashes at all. Just want to clarify that for everyone. SERIOUSLY WHAT IS HAPPENING!?

Next week they’re off to New York to learn some posing skillz from Coco Rocha. They also head to some sort of modelling agency for a casting. Maybe IMG? The #girlboss at the agency is trying to channel Anna Wintour but it can’t be done, soz. Alex also tries to channel a cat but ends up violently hissing.

This show is the best.


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