“He kept sighing after every sip”: We asked FJ readers if they’ve ever come back from ‘the ick’

“I had to ‘mind over matter’ it and remind myself that if his worst trait is saying ‘doggo’, I can live with it.”

It’s a gut-churning feeling, and one most (if not all) of us have experienced at some point. You’re watching someone you’ve previously felt an uninterrupted attraction to and suddenly feel a pang of disgust. ‘The ick’, a term popularised on TikTok in the last few years, describes the moment a romantic prospect becomes off-putting.

Interested to hear how others navigate the world? Head to our Life section.

People have reported feeling icked from actions as small as “he sat on a bar stool and his legs dangled” or “the way they held an umbrella”, and from more character-defining moments like “they were rude to the waitstaff”. But once you’ve been icked, is it ever possible to make a full recovery? Below, 12 Fashion Journal readers weigh in.

Scarlett*, 28, she/her

Yes! He was a colleague and we had a casual relationship on the side. He had a habit of performing slapstick-style comedy when telling stories. Once he got up from the lunch table and dramatically pretended to ski down a slope. I got the ick bad… Now he’s my fiancé!

Inka*, 35, she/her

Yes! The ick occurred after seven months of dating. We hadn’t spent much time in my home together but had begun to. I found that when we were in my space, he would follow me around and offer to help with menial tasks like hanging out washing, drying dishes and offering to empty the bins, etc. This kind of behaviour was giving me the ick, hard.

Then I took a step back and got curious about it. Why? Why were these gestures of care and kindness giving me the ick? In my last relationship, I would have done anything for this kind of dynamic – and that was exactly it. Having someone so attentive to my needs felt icky because it wasn’t coupled with hard work on my part.

It seemed too easy, and that’s what was offputting… anything that has come easily to me in my life is usually followed by conditions or major disappointment. Once I reframed my thoughts on the situation and deemed myself as worthy of this kind of treatment, the ick went away.

Lucy*, 25, she/her

My boyfriend (a millennial) gave me the ick when we started dating by referring to dogs as ‘doggos’ and saying he “loved doggos”. It was a serious ick and I needed to debrief with my friend. I had to ‘mind over matter’ it and remind myself that if his worst trait is saying ‘doggo’, I can live with it. Now I find it low-key endearing.

Julia*, 22, she/her

Yes. So I got the ick with my sort-of boyfriend… he’s bad at texting and we had a massive fight about something dumb and he got really petty, but then I realised he was struggling a lot with some things. I wanted to be there for him, I was concerned and wanted to make him know that he was cared for. We managed to fix things.

Esther*, 26, she/her

I dated him for six months and got the ick from him coming to a friend’s do in his work attire (just a shirt). I ended it, dated him again six months later and then two years later the ick came back from him just being an all-round dick.

Zoë*, 24, she/her

Yes. I met this guy at a music festival and there was a gastro outbreak, so even though I was vibing with him I was hesitant to kiss him given he was a stranger and I didn’t want to catch anything from the festival. This association also made me have an aversion to his breath and even on days two and three when we finally did kiss, I was pretty turned off by him sexually.

I thought his breath smelled and I only let him peck me on the lips but no tongue because his breath was that bad to my senses. But then on night three, something happened overnight that I honestly can’t explain. By the next day, when I was kissing him, even though his breath smelled the same and there was still the risk of gastro, I was so attracted to him.

I feel like maybe the pheromones and us spending so much time just hanging out together had changed some chemical thing in me where I was no longer icked out by him. I wanted to be close to him and nothing about him grossed me out anymore. I really don’t understand what changed overnight but it was drastic. By the time I got home from the festival, I was genuinely craving to see this boy.

Natalie*, 22, she/her

It’s a big fat no! The ick also means your body is having a visceral reaction to this person and is trying to tell you to run for the hills in any way possible! I got the ick from a guy 10 minutes into our first date and thought it was maybe nerves since he just kept sighing after every sip of beer (weird, but not too noticeable). It turns out a bunch more red flags were in store for me and I should’ve trusted my gut that second! Always trust your body! It knows what’s up.

Uma*, 23, she/her

If you come back from it… is it really the ick?

Mathilde*, 24, she/her

I came back from the ick so hard when I realised I was projecting my friend’s ick onto him. Icks are a social construct. It’s why they only became a buzzword recently – you can’t lose feelings for someone so quickly if they were sincerely there in the first place.

Fleur*, 30, she/her

When I started dating my boyfriend a couple of years ago, there were lots of little things that he did that gave me the ick. I would list them to my friends and be like “There’s no way this could ever be serious”. I can’t even remember what they were now, but I remember weighing up the pros and cons of hanging out with him.

… Then after we’d been seeing each other for a few months, I told him the things he did that gave me the ick in a playful way, and we laughed about it together and he actually stopped doing them.

Emma*, she/they

Yes, I have. Initially was attracted to this real Aussie guy just because he was hot, but at the same time was met with apprehension as an invisible, queer non-binary femme. Often cis straight men with homophobia will approve of my queerness almost like a fetish, but be awful humans towards my peers who are more visibly queer.

He was really nice and approachable and eventually in conversation, I asked if he was straight and his response gave me the ick immediately. He said, “Yes, I am straight.” This was said with defence as if the question was an insult and not just a genuine question that as a queer person, I’ve asked many people.

But ironically as I got to know him further, I learnt that from within the confines of heteronormativity, he expresses similar sexual liberation as many queer folk I know… He didn’t seem to care about desirability politics if there was a connection and engaged in sex work casually throughout his youth…

So the ick evaporated and instead, forced me to reflect on the tyranny of heteronormativity for cis men who continue to identify as men and how many feel unable to explore beyond the strict confines of what they are told is allowed and appropriate for a ‘man’. Perhaps, though, the bar is in hell as I’m impressed when cis straight men greet me, let alone actually demonstrate humanity. So unsure if the ick is to be reinstated yet.

Pia*, 28, she/her

Absolutely not. There was one time I’d been dating a guy for six months, we weren’t on boyfriend/girlfriend terms but it was exclusive, so we were pretty into each other. Friends were finishing the Sydney City2Surf so we planned to walk down from his place.

Bearing in mind this is August and not the middle of summer… he’s wearing jeans and sneakers but takes his T-shirt off as we’re walking along the promenade past so many people. Honestly, I died, got the ick and cut things off immediately after I left.

*Names have been changed.

For more ick stories, head here.