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Here’s why people need to stop hating on Kourtney Kardashian’s new site Poosh

Image via @KourtneyKardash/Instagram
Words by Bianca O’Neill

Let’s all relax a little.

Remember when Gwyneth launched her lifestyle site Goop? Yeah, me neither – mainly because no one cares about conscious uncoupling or the latest $5000 vagina steam oven.

People do, however, care a LOT about what the Kardashians do.

So, it was no surprise that when Kourtney ‘Get A Job’ Kardashian started teasing something called Poosh on her social media channels, approximately 2 million people immediately followed the new account for all the impending goss.

Secretly, Kourtney is my fave Kardashian. She is a delightful bitch to her sisters, who all seem to annoy her endlessly. She started dating a French hottie a billion years younger than her (despite having 500 children with Scott) because she could. And she spends a lot of time judging her own family – joining us in our eye rolls like some kind of morally superior, super-blunt reality show narrator. She’s the yin to Kim’s flashy yang.

So when the “least interesting looking” sister revealed that Poosh was a Goop-esque lifestyle site, filled with affiliate links and inane articles titled ‘How To Get An Instant Butt Lift’, I baulked at the idea.

Ugh. The promotion of Kardashian-approved skinny teas is bad enough when it’s just a pic on my feed, but why would I want to read an essay about it? And why would I believe that someone who promotes $1500 serums and a $75 candle to “help you look good naked” would have anything to offer me, a normal human girl, who doesn’t want to get diarrhoea from her cuppa thank you very much?

I wanted to hate it as much as I hate Goop. I did. But the simple fact is that Poosh is the perfect accompaniment to the ridiculously lavish lives portrayed on KUWTK, which I consume heartily and not entirely ironically.

How can I not, when articles like ‘What It’s Like to Get a Vampire Facial’ are directly lifted from the KUWTK playbook? How can I criticise it, when I secretly love-hate judging the excesses of the Kar-Jenners whilst also shoving half a pizza in my face, in my trackies, as I yell at the TV?

(Related side note: Is it weird to yell at a website?)

KUWTK is an entire show based around white people problems – the kind of 1% problems that only out-of-touch Hollywood Hills socialites could concoct. Drama ensues for entire seasons when Kourtney announces that she, for instance, prefers to eat organic, sugar-free, non-dairy air-protein shakes, or some shit. (They’re vegan, of course.)

It’s as ridiculous as it is fascinating because Kourtney ACTUALLY PROBABLY DEFINITELY EATS THIS CRAP. We love it because it is so stupid, as we fantasise wildly about what our own lives would be like if our biggest concern was fighting with our sisters over a smoothie. Why wouldn’t we want to continue to mock such storylines via clicking on the Poosh-hosted recipe, then laughing heartily at the (lack of) ingredients as we drip melted cheese on our Juicy Couture tracksuit?

Amongst all the Goop comparisons, the aptest similarity is that Poosh has already generated a frantic level of misplaced criticism. Here’s a ridiculous think piece, for example, about whether her salad recipe is IN FACT a salad, technically, because it doesn’t contain lettuce. OMG!

Firstly, if journalists are busting out these idiotic articles to prove that Poosh isn’t valuable content, then I’d be asking them where the best spot for their laptop is in that glass house of theirs.

Perhaps, for instance, they should have another think about whether salad recipe op-eds, explaining in excruciating detail that tomato is classified as a fruit and therefore does not constitute a salad, should also be taking up valuable bandwidth on the interwebz.

But more importantly, I’d ask: where are the op-eds about the death of well-researched media, and the increase of people taking health advice from unqualified bloggers?

Poosh is KUWTK bonus content. And like that, it succeeds. It is no more, no less. We shouldn’t be looking to criticise Kourtney Kardashian’s health advice because it’s missing a bag of rocket – we should be taking it for what it is: pure sugar.

And sometimes sugar can be bad for you – but god damn it, it tastes so good.

Follow Bianca’s Kardashian appreciation blog over at @bianca.oneill.

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