Wedding etiquette: This is how to tell someone they’re not invited to your wedding

Truth hurts.

‘Happily ever after’ has a tendency to go hand-in-hand with ‘confused temporarily prior’. It’s unsurprising – for most of us, wedding planning is a first-time gig. There are logistics, finance and relationships to manage, alongside just living your lives as a couple and remembering why you’re getting hitched in the first place.

Interested to hear how others navigate the world? Head to our Life section.

And then there’s the occasional curly situation that can arise. But rather than leave you to sweat it out solo, we’ve got some nifty templates that you can use to smooth things over and get back to planning one of the more special and memorable days of your life.

How to tell someone they’re not invited to your wedding

When you may need this

Fortunately, most of the time there’s no need to let people know they’re not invited to the wedding – they will figure it out themselves when an invitation to your wedding never arrives. There are a few scenarios, however, that could land you in the slightly awkward position of having to tell people they’re not on the guest list.

Perhaps your MIL thought it was okay to casually extend an invitation to her neighbour, or perhaps you didn’t invite certain relatives or people’s partners who assumed they’d be on the list. Or maybe you’re on a tight budget or have simply chosen to have a more intimate celebration with limited numbers.

Whatever the reason, it can be an uncomfortable situation to navigate. Nonetheless, we suggest sticking to your guns and politely letting them know with some well-crafted words.

Suggested wording

Option one: Unfortunately, due to [insert reason here], we’ve had to make some tough decisions around who we are able to invite to our wedding. We hope you understand and we would love to celebrate with [you/you and your partner] at another time in the future.

Option two: Unfortunately, due to [insert reason here], we’ve had to make some tough decisions around who we are able to invite to our wedding. While you’re very welcome to attend our ceremony, the reception is reserved for [those on our invitation list/our closest family and friends].

How to uninvite guests

When you may need this

Postponed your wedding from your original date and rethinking your plans? Perhaps you’re considering downsizing and doing something more intimate? Or perhaps, over time, you’ve grown apart from someone who was on your original list? If this sounds familiar, then this template is for you. It can be tough to find the right words to uninvite guests, which is why we’re stepping in with a script that you can adapt.

Suggested wording

Over the course of our engagement, we’ve decided to reassess what our wedding will look like. And after much thought, we’ve chosen to get married in a more intimate celebration.

While this sadly means we will no longer have the opportunity to share our day with you, we want to extend our most heartfelt thanks for your [friendship/support] – every kind thought has meant a lot to us. We hope to share a celebratory drink to all of our futures with you soon.

With love [your names]

How to invite guests later (after initial invites have been sent)

When you may need this

As your wedding day creeps closer, you might decide you want to invite someone to your wedding who didn’t make the initial cut. There are so many reasons this might happen, such as:

• You managed to save more money and can afford to have additional guests
• A number of people are unable to attend and you’ve already paid per head
• Your relationship with that person has become much closer over the course of your engagement
• You were initially strict with guest numbers and budgets but have since realised how much you want that person there
• Your wedding plans have changed and your original number restrictions no longer apply

You might feel uncomfortable about inviting someone later on, but most people will understand your reasons for not including them initially and will be over the moon to be part of your wedding day. Below are a few ways you could word the invitation.

Suggested wording

Option one: We’ve made a few changes to our original wedding plans, which means we can now share our day with you. It would mean the world to us if you could come to our wedding. Here are all the details: [insert wedding details and RSVP here].

Option two: Due to changing circumstances, [partner’s name] and I would love to invite you to our upcoming wedding. While we wish we could have extended this invitation earlier, sadly we were constrained due to [insert reason, if appropriate]. We hope you don’t mind that this arrives later in the day, and that we can celebrate with you soon.

Option three: We love you and we weren’t able to invite you to our wedding earlier due to [insert reason, if appropriate]. We’ve had some close [family/ friends] pull out at the last minute and would LOVE you to join us. We don’t want a gift and don’t care if you wear your PJs – we’d just be grateful for your company.

How to tell a friend who’s expecting to be in your wedding party that they’re not

When you may need this

Generally speaking, most people don’t declare themselves a part of your wedding party until they’ve been ‘officially’ asked. If, however, you happen to have a very forward friend who (incorrectly) assumes their position as one of your bridesmaids, groomsmen, groomsmaids, bridesmen etc. then unfortunately, at some point, you’re going to have to burst their bubble.

As uncomfortable as this conversation is, it’s much better to get it out of the way early on (read: ASAP) than to bury your feelings and ignore the situation altogether. A true friend will understand, laugh at their own mix-up and move past it pretty quickly. Here’s one way you could tackle the conversation.

Suggested wording

I just wanted to chat and clear the air as there’s been some confusion about who I will be having in my wedding party. You know how much I care about our friendship – my life would be much more ordinary without you in it – however, I’ve chosen to have [insert names here] in my wedding party/not to have a wedding party.

I’m sorry if there was any miscommunication from my end and hope that I can still call on you for advice and opinions or to have a good rant, and I’d love to have you involved in other ways.